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eAhLong.com Storyboards
(read: 46682 times)    Printer Friendly Page


"When I was growing up that time, hor, I wanted to be just like my father."

 

 

 

 

HENG LUI SENG,
Diploma, Business Administration
Singapore Polytechnic

AH SENG:
"So like that, lor. Finish poly that time, my friends all want to work, be engineer. Some go university. But I knew I wanted to join the fambly business."

 

"I saw how my father  help so many people... like they come out of jail and nobody trust them that time, my father will give them a few thousand to start again. But then, you know, lah, some people sure take advantage... so he must take action, lah!"

 

THE FAMBLY BUSINESS:

"Grumble, grumble..."

"Giah lai."
("Pass it over.")

THUMP! THUMP! THWACK! THWACK!

"Grumble, grumble... na beh...grumble..."

TING!

"Kong lak lak sah."
("O6-63.")

"Chi tao. Lai!"
("It's here. Come!")

"Ni nao hiah! Kiam lui mai heng!"
("You old brother! Owe money never pay!")

AH SENG:
"A lot of people think the Ah Long... Ah Long... eh, Ah Long in Engrish call what, ah?"

AH SENG:
"Orh! Loanshark! Correck! Ah, a lot of people think the loanshark business is very... how you say, chor. Very crude. But acherly is very important, one..."

HENG CHIN KIN
alias Ah Long, alias Tua Long, alias Long Eh
Unlicensed Moneylender

AH LONG: (in Hokkien):
"It's not just lending money... we're investing in the community.  If our debtors do well, we also do well. I have helped so many business flourish... bookie services, set-up of home casinos, supply of women... and we also provide debt collection services."

AH SENG:
"Correck! That's why I say Ah Long this sort of business got a lot of potential, one. And I really, really think what I learn in Biz Ad can be very useful to make the fambly business more modern. More, how you say, respectable. More... pro!"

AH LONG: (in Hokkien):
"Don't misunderstand me. Of course I feel proud that Ah Seng wants to join the family business. But with his education, I wonder why he doesn't want to do something more modern. Like doctor, lawyer, engineer. Some more big-balled professions. To engage in an old-fashioned business like loansharking is such a waste."

AH SENG:
"Aiyah, this is fambly tradition, like that. The business is pass down from my grandfather to my father. I think, ah, my father is too humber about his achievements... Pa, show them your... hor ee nang kua... kua ler eh lua lawa!"
("Show them how impressive you are!")

AH LONG:
"Mai lah!"
("No, I don't want to!")

AH SENG:
"Lai lah!"
("Come on!")

AH LONG:
"Pai seh, lah!"
("It's embarassing!")

AH SENG:
"Mana pai seh? Ho lang kua lah!
("It's not! Let them see!")
See, lah! He's so shyful! Ah Pa, don't shy! I'm very proud of you!"

AH SENG:
"You see these? These are long service awards! This one is for thirty years... this one forty years..."

AH SENG:
"...And this one, ah! This one is for jungle training, one! When he chase this chao kar person all the way to Christmas Island and got him to pay back everything!"

AH LONG (in Hokkien):
"Aiyah, that's because the pig's heads in Christmas Island are very scary... they use wild boar heads! Which are green and have long teeth!"

 

 

 

AH SENG:
"Aiyah, the hardest part of taking over the business is modernizing. Because the old timer all don'ch understand that times are changing... that now got new technorogy. Got new economy..."

 

 

 

AH LONG (in Hokkien):
"Choosing a proper pig's head is not easy. You have to select the right size, the right shape, the right amount of blood. The message must be clear: you don't pay, you'll wind up the same way!"

AH SENG (in Hokkien):
"Pork is very expensive nowadays... "

AH SENG (in Hokkien):
"...Can we use alternatives? "

AH LONG (in Hokkien):
"Like what? "

AH SENG (in Hokkien):
"Like this..."

AH LONG (in Hokkien):
"What is this?!"

AH SENG (in Hokkien):
"It's a chicken head."

AH LONG (in Hokkien):
"I know it's a chicken head! What are we supposed to do with it?! Eat it with beer?"

AH SENG (in Hokkien):
"Hang it up like you do with pigs' heads."

AH TUA (in Hokkien):
"Eh, boss... are you sure, not?"

AH SENG (in Hokkien):
"It's light and won't attract police attention."

AH TUA (in Hokkien):
"I don't think it's very scary."

AH LONG (in Hokkien):
"We can't use this!"

AH SENG (in Hokkien):
"But, Pa..."

AH LONG:
"NO!!!"

 

MOTHER KNOWS BEST

MRS. HENG HOR YEE
Ah Seng's Mother

MRS HENG (in Hokkien):
"Are you filming now? Orh... don't... I'm so shy..."

MRS HENG (in Hokkien):
"Aiyah, my husband is so stubborn. I keep telling him: he's already old. Do you expect to be hauling pig's heads when you're 70? But he's too proud to give up. Leave it to young people like Ah Seng to struggle!"

 

DRESS FOR SUCCESS

AH SENG (in Hokkien):
"Pa, wear this..."

AH LONG(in Hokkien):
"Are you sure you want me to come along?"

AH SENG (in Hokkien):
"If you come, I will look more credible. Come and back me up as a consultant."

AH LONG (in Hokkien):
"But I don't speak English! They call a cow a dog ("kao") and call a dog a deer ("lock")! How can I understand?"

AH SENG (in Hokkien):
"Whatever they ask you, just say, 'Big market! Big market! Then it'll be fine!"

AH LONG:
"Big market... biiiiig maaaarket..."

AH SENG (in Hokkien):
"Yes! 'Big market!' Good! Can! Come, let's go!"

 

 

AH SENG:
"So you see, Mr. Ho, with the Internet, we don't even need to buy or hang any more heads!
"

MR HO SENG LEE
Partner,
Redlight Ventures

AH SENG:
"You see, when we lend them money, we also get the email addresses of his friends and fambly..."

AH SENG:
"When he doesn't pay that time, hor... heh heh... we just email this to everybody.
"

"NI NA BEH! KIAM LUI MAI HENG! KA TAN WAH LAI LI EH CHU HOOT LI!"

MR HO:
"So it's like literal spam?"

AH SENG:
"Uh... yes."

MR. HO:
"Interesting concept. So it's kind of like e-Trade, mixed with an internet marketing service, with a few elements of eBay..."

MR HO:
"Would you say that's correct, Mr. Heng?"

AH LONG:
"Uh... big market! Big market!"

MR. HO:
"Hmm... yes, it is large and mature... and there's significant disintermediation that can be harnessed... I'm a little concerned about some of the legally grey elements... what do you say to that, Mr. Heng?"

AH LONG:
"Big market! Big market!"

MR HO:
"I suppose... and besides, full internet regulation is still some years away, so we should be able to get away with it for some time...  Yes, yes... it looks pretty scalable to me too. If we use the latest in web and WAP technology and harness synergy with strategic partners... and maybe expand the operational scope to include factoring and bailment... with your first mover advantage, I think we're looking at some solid ROIs if we can secure the right eyeballs..."

AH LONG:
"Ee kong si mi lan chiao?"
("What the penis did he just say?")

AH SENG:
"Shhh!!!"

MR HO:
"You know, we like it! So... let's get down to business. How much investment are you looking for? One million?"

AH SENG:
"Uh..."

MR HO:
"One point five? Mr. Heng?"

AH LONG:
"Big money! Big money!!!"

MR HO:
"Heh heh... I like a man who speaks his mind. Okay..."

MR HO:
"... here's what we're prepared to offer for 80% equity..."

AH LONG:
"Wah lao eh..."

AH LONG:
"...Bee tang chiak beh leow!"
("Our rice bowl overfloweth!")

 

A FEW MONTHS LATER...

AH TUA:
"Wah lau eh... si beh mah huan!"
("This is really troublesome...")

AH LONG (in Hokkien):
"I may have had some doubts about this dotcom business, but I also understand that people must change with the times... so I support Ah Seng one hundred per cent!"

MRS HENG (in Hokkien):
"Sure, lah... once someone gives you money, everything is okay!"

AH LONG:
"Tiam, lah!"
("Shut up!")

 

SIX MONTHS LATER

"...and internet startup eAhLong.com posted massive gains on their very first day of trading on the Singapore Stock Exchange..."

"HOORAY!!! WHOO-HOO!!! PHEW-WEEEET!!!"

AH LONG:
"Lai... lai... lim oleng joo!"
("Come... come... drink some orange juice!")

 

 

FRIENDS FOREVER

"Yah, I heard about Ah Seng! I think his eAhLong.com is an absolutely brilliant idea! "

"I'm not surprised Ah Seng is doing well. He was always an achiever in poly. "

"Isn't this new economy fantastic? I'm doing my own dotcom myself... you see, it's about automated 4D number generation..."

"Does he have a girlfriend yet? "

 

 

AH SENG:
"So after I bought the bee-em-dubdew, I got this..."

AH SENG:
"There, mine is on the third floor, and my parents will be on the top floor. And behind it, got swimming pool and sauna..."

AH SENG:
"Some more, all got river view!"


 

ANOTHER SIX MONTHS LATER

"...one casualty of the dotcom market collapse is local company eAhLong.com, with stock values plunging after an exuberant start only months before.  Sources indicate that they have had to downsize and focus on core revenue-generating activities..."

 

A FRIEND IN NEED... IS A LOSER

"Yah, I heard about Ah Seng. I'm not surprised. It was an absolutely cock idea!"

"In poly, ah, he was always a bit sotong!"

"This whole new economy dotcom thing is just nonsense! I'm glad I stuck to being a real estate agent."

"I heard, ah, his girlfriend dumped him... I wonder what he's doing now..."

 

 

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

PROCESS SERVER:
"Mr. Heng Chin Kin? I am serving you with these saman from the High Court."

AH LONG:
"Ha?"

PROCESS SERVER:
"This one is from Redlight Ventures, saying you made fraudulent representations to them to make them invest in you..."

PROCESS SERVER:
"This one is from J.P. Goldman, your investment bankers, this one is from your former lawyers for unpaid fees, this one is from High Rent Private Limited for unpaid rent on your old office..."

PROCESS SERVER:
"I think you better find a good lawyer. Good day, Mr. Heng."

AH LONG:
"Chee bye! Pok kai liao, ah!"
("Vagina! We're broke!")

AH LONG (in Hokkien):
"I think we better book two tickets to Christmas Island... fast!")

 

Mr. Heng and Ah Seng were arrested at the World Trade Centre Ferry Terminal as they tried to leave for Christmas Island.  They were both sentenced to several weeks in jail.  

Fortunately, a former client who was also serving time recognised Mr. Heng, and took care of father and son.

On their release, Ah Seng helped pay off some of his debts by selling his story to a group of amateur film makers.

Both father and son are now focusing on core revenue-generating activities.

AH LONG:
"Kin lah!"
("Hurry up!")

AH LONG:
"Si gin nah! Tee kng liao!"
("Bloody kid! Dawn is coming already!")

 

 

 

AH SENG:
"I just want to make him proud of me."

 

THE END

Based on characters created by Colin Goh for TalkingCock.com.  The events and characters depicted in this film are completely fictional. Any resemblance to persons (or pigs) living or dead is purely coincidental.

No animals were harmed during the filming of this production.

eAhLong.com the Movie
©TalkingCock.com 2000-2001. All Rights Reserved.

QuickQuill Communications

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