by Madam Ghee Mee Looi
If it's your birthday today:
Congratulations. It means you weren't born yesterday.
LEO Jul 23 - Aug 22
Hey, Leo! The way your career is going right now, you should ask
James Cameron about making a sequel to Titanic.
VIRGO Aug 23 - Sep 22
The constellations say that someone will try to get into your pants
and say, "It's okay. Everyone's doing it, and besides, it's
just a membrane."
LIBRA Sep 23 - Oct 22
It's no coincidence that as the astrological sign of balance, you
have the word "bra" in your name. It's a good time to
SCORPIO Oct 23 - Nov 21
If you've been finding that people have been avoiding you lately,
it's because you're a scorpion. Now you know, you can remedy the
situation. Or maybe not.
Nov 22 - Dec 21
As your Zodiac sign is that of the archer, you can expect to get arrowed
this week by your boss.
CAPRICORN Dec 22 - Jan 19
Poor Capricorns are always feeling a little left out of society,
which is understandable when you're the offspring of a union between man
and horse. Don't despair - make the best of what nature has given you.
Hang out at the Turf Club more, and you'll get the appreciation you
AQUARIUS Jan 20 - Feb 18
We know you're the Zodiac waterbearer, but if you keep brandishing your
bottle of mineral water along the ECP, people might mistake you for that
other kind of aqua-rius.
PISCES Feb 19 - Mar 20
Your life is approaching a crossroads, and you need to make a
life-altering decision: are you a fish, or a Hong Kong-based department
ARIES Mar 21 - Apr 19
We warned you last week to stay away from the soup kambing stall, but
would you listen? Noooo.
TAURUS Apr 20 -May 20
That holiday to Spain? Not a good idea for bulls. Try India
GEMINI May 21- Jun 20
Mars has aligned with Venus, which means it's a great time for you twins
to pull a switcheroo on your respective spouses. Again.
CANCER Jun 21 - Jul 22
Good news for all Cancerians. Your chemo is working and the tumours
are growing smaller. Who ask you all to smoke so much?
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